Age and Ability

“It is not our abilities that show what we truly are.  It is our choices.”

An admirable quote, one of my favorites actually, but really?

Maybe in terms of moral character it’s applicable, but physical abilities?

Being small has always been my identity. Being under 100 pounds was my defining characteristic growing up. I’m still small, but not in the way I used to be. After college I gained about 15 pounds over the course of 3 years.

No, it’s not much at all. But to me, it felt like an extra 100 pounds. And no, I’ve never had an eating disorder to try and lose weight. But I have been struggling with it. My abs are not rock hard like they used to be.

( )

And I have some extra jiggly stuff around my thighs that decided to make their presence known.

My knees hurt.

I get beet red when I work out (which is rarely).

I can’t run for more than 200 yards without getting winded.

My back gets sore.

My ankles like to pop.

I’m not old- 25 is still young- but I have aged.

But my body cannot do the things it could when I was 18.

7 years seems like no time at all.

 WHAT HAPPENED???

  In elementary school I did gymnastics 4 days a week.

I rode horses twice a week after that.

In high school I cheered competitively.

I did highjump and pole vault for track and field.

I played church basketball and church softball.

In college, again I cheered competitively for my Clemson Tigers.

Again, I rode horses twice a week.

And now I have trouble finishing a 20 minute workout on an elliptical.

I guess I lost the will to workout.

I had a steady boyfriend that I knew was “The One”

And he’s now my husband. So he’s stuck with me. Forever. No matter what I look like.

But I have sworn to get back in shape.

For him.

For my health.

For my sanity.

 (Although my sanity could just as easily be kept by heading back to St. John and this beautiful island……)

So I CHOOSE to continue on with the workout, even though that doesn’t make it any easier.

My ABILITY to finish doesn’t depend on if I can.

I know I CAN.

It’s whether or not I can make my mind WANT to finish.

The mind can be very VERY hard to overcome.

But I’ve also learned to be happy with who I am as a person.

When I moved in with my husband, my scale (that I used to get on 5 times a day), didn’t make the journey.

Having one just makes life hard.

Feeling good about yourself is not about a certain weight.

It’s about how you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror.

It’s about enjoying what you eat, what you spend your day doing, and who you spend it with.

Period.

So, to make myself feel better, I bought an elliptical.

That I use while I watch TV.

If there was no TV, I couldn’t make myself use it. No matter how hard I tried.

I’ve started eating healthier (no more velveeta shells & cheese for dinner). Kale chips, like below, taste just like potato chips but are infinitely better for you.

I drink less alcohol (sometimes harder than others).

Some advice:

1. Have a scale if you must, but limit yourself to getting on it every other day, or even once a week.

2. Cook for yourself. The less processed the food you eat, the better it is for you.

3. Wine can be super good for you, but not when you drink 1/2 a bottle in one sitting.

4. Have some sort of distraction while you work out, be it music, a book, TV, or a partner.

5. Take up other hobbies that make you happy. They’ll make you feel accomplished.

6. Even small things, like 20 jumping jacks, gets your heart going and takes no time at all.

7. If you REALLY have had a bad day and don’t want to exercise, don’t. It’ll feel like a job that you hate.

8. Don’t give up. It takes 4 weeks for you to notice a change. You’ll get there.

And remember, above all else, that at the end of the day, the people who love you the most will still love you, even if you aren’t where you want to be and you’ve made some wrong choices along the way.